Mein Gott, mein Gott! Warum hast du mir verlassen?
I'm getting pretty tired of saying things will be ok. I can still intellectually understand that every day the sun will rise and the opportunity to do good will once again be presented. But every day, I am also waking up exhausted. And not a physical sense of tired. (Averaging seven hours of sleep a night is actually quite luxurious!) No, this is a soul-tired. Like I have been running a race thinking there are only a few laps to go before I might get a breather--only to find out I am still in the first mile of this marathon!I have no direction (it seems). In less than three months, I will have a degree that says I am prepared to...
exactly.
I want to teach. In college. I feel comfortable with this. But what? I would love to teach music, but I have never been excited enough by it to truly do the dirty work. And as the rejection letters continue to roll in, my confidence in my abilities for vocational music-making, -teaching is waning. But I could also see my self working in International Studies. I find the German language to be fascinating and worth the hard work. And being able to make opportunities available for students like the one that I had sounds like truly fulfilling work. But I have had one year of German. Do I want to put all my money on the horse that just learned how to run yesterday? Sure, there's time...but how smart is it, really? And, as a dear friend put it recently, I should be careful about wanting something just to have something.
I know we are looking through a glass dimly. But I can't help but feel like I have been blindfolded, spun around a few times on a baseball bat, and then locked in a closet. I can't see a thing and I have no sense of where to turn.
I know it will be ok. I am simply struggling to believe it.
posted by John D. Nevergall @ 09:31
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